Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!"
-Thomas Chisolm
If you had asked me at five what I thought my life would look like in twenty years, I would have immediately described my dreams of being a wife and mother of ten children. While the number of children may have changed over the years (I now think eight is a nice number. Haha!), my dreams and desires have remained the same as time has passed. No matter how badly I may wish to have a husband and children, I am realizing more and more that the greatest gift is waiting on God. This topic has been heavy on my heart lately. Not that long ago, I would have considered waiting on God to be a negative thing. I know that waiting on Him is the only real option in my life, but the idea scared me. I would constantly worry that God would keep me in this waiting period longer than I could bear. I was placing completely too much of my concentration and focus on the things I was lacking while placing little value on the abundant blessings in my life. Thankfully, God is always faithful to remind me of all He has done. He has proven to me over and over again that He cares about the details so I seek to rest in Him as I wait, knowing He will provide.
Even though I've learned to trust God's provision, it is still easy to get discouraged. More times than I care to admit, I look at others who receive the blessings that I so greatly desire and think, "why not me?" During those times, I have to cling to the promises I know to be true. In my own life, I've experienced what it is like to take matters into my own hands instead of waiting on God. To many, the fact that I've only had one dating experience may seem crazy. It is this experience, however, that taught me the most about the importance of waiting on God's timing and provision. My family attempted to "set me up" with a guy at their church. We went on two "dates", both with members of my family. I knew from the onset that this was manipulation of a situation that should have been left up to God to work out according to His plans, but I went along anyway. I ended up heartbroken after this experience due to my lack of patience in waiting for God to work. Because I didn't place this situation in God's hands, I questioned what had happened and what I had done or not done that caused this guy to not be interested. There is emotional safety and security in waiting on the Lord to move!
Despite all He has taught me, I still often place too much responsibility on myself as opposed to resting in Christ while I wait. I daily worry that I will never attract a mate. When it comes to members of the opposite sex, I am completely awkward and tend to be a spazz. A basic conversation with a single guy can easily turn into a humiliating experience, leaving me utterly embarassed with my big foot in my mouth. Praise the Lord, it's not up to me! I believe with all my heart that when it is God's perfect timing, nothing can keep me and the one He has created for me apart. I could snort diet coke out of my nose on our first date and he will see beyond that. God is infinitely bigger than my nervousness with the fellas!
During this time of waiting I never want to take the blessings in my life for granted. Because I haven't had a family to take care of, I've been able to do some pretty amazing things and I look forward to many more. I think one of the biggest blessings is how much time I've spent with my family. I have an absolutely amazing Mom and Dad, Brother and Sister (and their spouses are pretty cool, too!), Grandma, and extended family. And the fact that I get to be an aunt to the most precious nephew and niece still blows my mind! I have also been able to pursue some passions of mine. One of my favorite things is traveling. I don't care if it's an overnight stay in a cabin or a trip to Europe, I'm always up for a trip. In college I spent a year in Austria and I've also been able to take several mission trips to Mexico as well as countless smaller trips with my family all over the country. These have been the best times of my early twenties! Most importantly, God has used this time to teach me about Him and that is invaluable. There are so many more things I would like to do while I am single but if God has other plans, I'm fine with that, too. :)
While waiting may be difficult and it is easy to get carried away in your desires for companionship and support, it is also a huge blessing. God's timing is perfect and He knows best in every situation. I have come to a point where I believe that if it is God's plan for me to never marry, that He will take that desire away and that I can find joy in knowing that He loves me enough to do what is best for me. In the end, with or without a mate, it is Christ and our relationship with Him that must come first! Waiting on God and surrendering our will in our desires isn't a passive action. God redeems the time by growing and maturing us. And because I know that God is faithful to hear and answer my prayers, I pray daily for my future husband. I pray that God would guard his heart and strengthen his faith until that perfect time when we are brought together. And since I know God is listening, I go ahead and tell Him what I desire in this man: He must love the Lord passionately, even above his love for me; he must pursue me in a Godly manner; he must have a sense of humor and be attractive to me; he must love me for who I am and 'get' my eccentricities; and he must always make sure my gas tank in my car is full. Haha! Hey, I believe God is almighty and has made someone just for me who will fit this description... and I pray that God would mold me into the gal I need to be for him. Until that time, I'll keep on waiting and praying until God places it on that special someone's heart to pursue me. :) And when it does happen, I pray God will be glorified through it all!
"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him." Psalm 62:5
