Strangely Dim

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

-Helen H. Lemmel

As the hymn says, I do desire for the things of earth to grow strangely dim.  At least on the surface.  I say that I want my relationship with my Savior to be an all-consuming passion, I want to seek Him first and foremost, I want Him to receive all glory, and I want for me to decrease and Him to increase.  But in practice, this is so often not the case.  I'm selfish, insecure/prideful (two things I'm realizing go hand-in-hand), impatient, hypocritical.... the list goes on.  I cling far too tightly to this world and lay up treasures here instead of focusing on my eternal destination.  The Lord knows this about me.  He sees my heart of hearts.  He knows my struggles.  But because of His great mercy, He refines my motives, confronts my sin, and draws me close to Him. 

Lately, His blessings have been poured out in a manner that seems completely ridiculous.  It has been hard for me to even accept these gifts but through it He has taught me so much about His never-failing love.  While most of the blessings have been true joys, a few have come in a bit of a disguise (at least as seen through these human eyes).  A little background:  I am extremely sentimental.  I love to keep little mementos, usually in the form of paper... postcards, bookmarks, little notes... and I also love pictures.  I take a lot of random pictures to remember things by, usually on my phone.  Well, God is clearly showing me that I'm placing too much value on these things.  My heart has become attached and therefore they are my treasures.  He has had to literally pry my heart off of some of the most important 'things' in my life over the past several months.  It started with losing a few very special items out of my Bible.  They had come to symbolize an important part of my life and reminded me of what God had delivered me from.  They were good things and they were really important to me.  It broke my heart when they were gone.  And that revealed some serious problems within myself.  They were just things... pieces of paper.  Was my heart really so attached to these insignificant items that it made me sick to lose them?  I was more heartsick over lost mementos than I am over lost souls.  Wow!  Talk about sobering.  Looking back, I am so grateful that He ripped these away.  It took that to reveal a major sin problem and He continues to bring me through to deliverance. 

However, I am apparently still not free from this sin.  Just last night my phone stopped working so I plugged it into the computer to try and revive it.  I am technologically illiterate.  I had never set it up or backed up any of the information stored on it.  But I had grown to love my phone and used it to record so many parts of my days over the past six months- ordinary things, beautiful sunsets, family fun-and in one moment, it was all gone.  I loved those photos.  I loved looking through my album and remembering certain occasions.  I had blogged and facebooked a few pictures, but the rest are gone forever.  It was sickening.  But yet again, I am certain that God is using this to show me that stuff like that doesn't matter.  He is my everything, not pictures on my phone.  He is the one that gave me all those days to document... all the beauty, my family, the fun times.  Even a day later, it seems a little silly that I was so upset over this loss.  This process is not pretty and certainly not fun, but it's necessary.  I was created to bring glory to my Father and if I am making an idol out of silly stuff, then I cannot fulfill my purpose.  Though my flesh screams, "No!", my soul cries out, "You can have all this world, just give me Jesus!" 


“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:19-21

At a Loss

I am at a loss for words when it comes to describing my life right now.  It is unfathomable the blessings that God continuously pours out and I can't begin to comprehend why He would choose to give me anything at all, much less each and every opportunity and path that He has opened these past few months.  So much has happened in the past month that I want to record so I'm going to start at the very beginning (that's a very good place to start... name that movie!? Haha!)  I left off the night before I found out the scores from my Praxis exam.  I meant to sit down and write about the thankfulness and elation I felt when I found out I PASSED, but it was just too difficult to put into words.  The night before I tossed and turned, barely sleeping.  I was very anxious to find out so that I could move forward.  Either by registering to take the test again or preparing everything else I needed in order to apply for jobs.  When my alarm went off, I was beside myself.  Honestly, I believed I hadn't passed.  As I said before, there was no human way I could have, but as I listened to that recorded voice telling me I had not only passed, but I had scored nearly thirty points higher than what I'd been praying for, I was overwhelmed.  I mean, there is no claiming that as a victory of my own doing.  That is all God and to Him be all the glory!!  I'm not even going to attempt to explain the feelings of gratitude/elation/relief that overwhelmed me, and still do.  It's just been a time of awe and discovery of how much my Savior loves me and cares about my life.  From that moment of discovering my scores, life has been going non-stop (in a wonderful way, though!)  It's been filled with such fun times so instead of telling all about what's been going on, I'll just post a ton of pictures to remember this month by!    

The day I found out I had passed, Jeff and Catherine had me over for a celebration dinner and cake!



That Saturday I helped my cousin's wife at a dance recital.  It was exhausting but so much fun!  And I got roses out of the deal :)

 



Decoration at Park's Cemetery.  Notice the classy pic of me in pantyhose and Birkenstocks.  Haha!
Nothing like family time, cute kids, good food and country roads!



Mom and I went to Conway because I had some things to do at UCA before starting classes.  We had such a fun time! On the way home, we drove on 64 instead of the interstate and stopped in Russellville to get a close look at the nuclear plant.  It was so pretty!

We ate at the best little diner in Atkins.  The food was so amazing!



Bought my books for summer classes :)

 

And a few additions to my own collection ;)
Conway has one of my favorite flea market/antique malls and we spent a little too much time (and money) in there.  Haha!





Catherine ordered Dad's birthday cake from Sweet Boutique in Cedarville.  I'd never been there before but it is amazing... and their building is pink... adorable!  I've always dreamed of opening a bakery and this place is everything I would want mine to be!



It was Memorial Day weekend so I bought these cupcakes for my Sunday School class.  Yummy!



And I bought these for myself... so amazing!



That Monday we spent at Lake Fort Smith celebrating Dad's birthday (only a few weeks late. Ha!)  It was the perfect day (except for the fact that I got severely burned and am still shedding my skin like a lizard!)





I got Dad a life jacket so we can go floating in the canoe he bought last year.  Hint, Hint... Dad! 
Can't wait to get out on the water with him!





My new school supplies... possibly the most exciting part of going back to school!



Getting fingerprinted by my brother.  Haha!!

A gift from God on my way home from class in Conway.

"God knows what He has planned for my life, I don't need to worry at all!"
He sure does... and keeps showing me this over and over.



So, there's a little taste of what's been going on lately... or at least what I have pictures of on my phone.  There are no signs of things slowing down for the summer and I can't wait to see all He has in store.  I've started classes and my thoughts about that will have to wait for another post.. for now I'll just say that I've never felt so right about anything in my life and it is such an amazing experience!  Here's hoping I can squeeze some time in for blogging in the next couple of months... I love having a place to record some bits of my life :)

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

Psalm 115:1